timeline of grad school rejection

my thoughts and feelings about getting rejected from PhD programs

I'm writing this because I'm quite proud of where I am currently out after the sting of unsuccesful app cycle, and hope my experiences might help others going through similar things.

In 2023 I decided I wanted to pursue AI research. I was 4 years out of school, enjoying but not loving my job, and was really inspired by all the breakthroughs in machine learning going on around me. I decided I wanted to dedicate myself to research too, and spent quite a bit of time planning, preparing, writing essays, digging up old connections, and networking. This blog post will focus on the rejections themselves.

Nov-Dec 2023

• Submitting all apps
• Acceptance that the whole app process iss a crap-shoot

Jan 2024

• Sweet relief
• Know its too soon to hear back anything

Feb 2024

• First bad sign - no word from any programs about interviews
• Start talking about the possibility of full rejections with family and friends, they reassure me its too soon to hear back

March 2024

• Still no positive news, no interviews
• First rejection from MIT - totally expected so doesn't bother me, but it is a dream temporarily squashed
• Rejections from CMU - totally expected, but there goes more programs

April 2024

• More rejections, all the "top programs" I applied to
• Family getting worried, telling me I still have a great chance of remaining schools
• Begin personally confronting the possiblity that I got rejected from everywhere - feel a bit numb
• Hit the point where I should have heard back from all schools but four programs still haven't gotten back to me

Early May 2024

• Still have not heard back from all schools
• Feel it in my gut I didn't get in anywhere
• Awkward talks with friends who also applied to grad school, them telling me to keep my hopes up

Late May 2024

• Finally get final rejections
• Feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders
• At first numb reaction, hardest part is telling family - they immediately go into "action" mode "what went wrong", "what are you doing for next year", "you must not have done x,y,z"
• Strong urge to pull away from having to think about it
• Week of wallowing
• Mainly feel embarassed I told so many people about my plans and now need to explain what happened - everyone asks about it and I feel obligated to tell them
• Get injured at gym so can't regulate emotions the same way
• Renroll in therapy
• Message professors and programs asking for feedback
• Get ghosted everywhere

Early June 2024

• Have second and third therapy sessions
• Reiterate my personal reasons for applying in the first place; know I will try again
• Finally connect with a real human in academia and get some great feedback thanks to this blog post I found through reddit and get actionable feedback
• Take a hiking trip to Colorado with friends and my girlfriend
• Feeling way more positive overall - and much more creative
• Start working with a software engineering friend of mine on somec oding projects
• Start building personal projects, including a web scraper and this website
• Reach out to PhDs at my work who meet with me
• Get back in the gym

Late June 2024

• Meet with professors recommended to me through work connections
• Work is going well
• Start getting involved in research with my comapny's PhD summer interns
• Continue working on personal projects related to ML
• Get more feedback on my personal statement and programs

General Advice

• Take the time to wallow, sometimes feeling bad is okay, just be conscious about how much time you need (a week, a month, I wouldn't go past that)
• It can feel so dehumanizing to not have anyone at the opposite end of the glass ceiling to reach out to; try to find at least one academic to talk to you and give you advice
• Don't jump directly back into apps, take your time to heal your wounds, and ease back in with personally important creative projects; productive things that make you happy
• Close friends are important - know who will give you good advice and the reassurance you need, not all advice and reactions will be positive
• Reaffirm why this is important to you; don't lose sight of why you love this field